The comments are based on Lee Liak Ghee’s blog post:
How much of your progress in school is the result of your own ability, good luck, or good teaching?
Upon seeing this topic, if I were the one writing, I would have concentrated on one of them. For example, if I concentrate on “good luck”, I would probably have about 3 paragraphs while the other 2 points would have a paragraph each unlike your essay which is evenly spread out into 3 different aspects. I feel that the introduction could be further improved as it is a case of copying and paste with a little rephrasing. Try to define the key words in the first paragraph such as ability, luck and progress. Another point is that “CCAs” should not have been used as an abbreviation because the reader may not know what it stands for.
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