The comments are based on Ong Yan Zhe’s blog post:
Which aspects of your education do you think will be most useful to you in adult life?
One, I think that the quote you put has no relation to what this topic is about. Education can be used everywhere, it usually means the different aspects of life. In your introduction, you should have defined the key word here “adult life”. What does it mean to you and what are the aspects of it? Thus, in all your 3 body paragraphs, if you mention it is the academic aspect, then you should be referring to the job prospect in your adult life. You should clearly state the aspect of education and aspect of adult life in every body paragraph. A main pointer would be: Where is your thesis? After reading the first paragraph, it is either there is no thesis or the thesis was phrased badly because if the last sentence is your thesis, there is no relation to this topic at all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment